Those who have good hearts and good natures to help others in tragedy and crisis, and I believe we all do, often find themselves in very difficult spots in life and being used, abused, and taken advantage of. Also, in my nature is the desire to make it all better for others. This has cost me dearly because I did not know that others would take advantage of me. Because I try never, ever to hurt another soul, I believe others to be the same. Unfortunately, I have learned a lot of lessons in life that have taught me that others do take advantage of someone like me and not all of those lessons have been kind to me.
Growing up as I did, I was taken advantage of drastically; however, I always had learned that I was to obey my elders no matter what and without question. Additionally, I learned the consequences of disobedience and it was not kind. I also learned the consequences of questioning authority – those consequences also were not kind. I have been told that I had the “Perfect Little Girl Syndrome” because of this mantra. I did.
Consequentially, this did not set me up well for adult life. Because of everything else I had endured through my childhood, this was one more area where I endured abuse throughout my adult life, until about 4 years ago when I married my hubby. He loves me and adores me. He is teaching me so much. He is taking those broken and shattered pieces of my life and helping me put them together to make a whole person.
The first abuses as an adult began in my first year of college by those who I called “friend.” Then the abuses continued in my second half-year of college but in a different way. Also, it was during this time I met my ex-spouse. I thought that if they were at a Christian university, that meant they were Christians. I learned that was not the case but not until many years later after I married him.
That marriage was one of abuses of many kinds. Basically I’d gone from the frying pan of childhood into the fire of adulthood and it was so very hard. I was a child, a multiple we learned later, trying to raise a little girl. I feel in my heart, I failed miserably; however, I’m told that isn’t the case. It must not be the case because she’s grown up to be a very responsible and well-adjusted adult. She will be 26 in a week. She’s the joy and delight of my life. Was it easy? No. Did I lose her for a time? Yes…. but she came back and our bond is stronger now than ever it was.
Another lesson I learned, though painful, after giving of myself for years, was the betrayal of a “friend.” The hardships, the losses, the time spent loving and caring, the constant financial help, the cleaning done in her apartment, and the times of carrying her through this or that crisis, were not easy but I did them because I did care. Not realizing I was aiding her behavior and not realizing I was being used, because not only had she become a mother figure to many of the little girls inside who were to always, without question, be obeyed, but also because I had no fight left in me, I gave everything I had left and that included my daughter.
While my daughter was 18 at the time she went with this friend and by law, there was nothing I could do, I still lost my daughter and many special “senior high” times with her. My daughter, I will say, wanted away; however, this “friend,” while she said she was helping, was truly interfering in parental difficulties instead. Those were some really rough years; however, my girl came back after she got her head straight. I will eternally be grateful for that call on January 31, 2010 from my daughter.
It was May of 2008 when I finally realized some of what this “friend” had done and I told her not to ever contact me again; however, I at that point, had lost everything: my first marriage, my home, my job, my health, and most of all, yes, I know I mentioned it already, my daughter. In September 2009, I finally lost my car. With no money and living on a worker’s compensation settlement, I did not know what to do.
Here I’d given of my heart, my all….. and I was so hurt. How could it be? Where would it lead? Also, I had very few friends at the time too as this lady, no longer friend, had isolated me so much that I hadn’t made many other friends. Constantly crying, constantly depressed, constantly in need not only physically but emotionally as well as many other areas, among those close friends I had, even some of them had had enough. I was so depressed and discouraged. I just wanted to die. I’d been so betrayed, so beaten down by life, so used and abused…… what was left? Nothing. It was not for another two years that my situation would really change; however, the losses have been restored many times over. Another post will encompass “Broken Things” but for now…….
Thank you for reading.
Sherry
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